Confessions of a Crack Diva: Outline
THESIS: Because of my past addiction and the pain it has caused my family, I’ve often felt like astranger in a strange land.
- I grew up normal to me, in your average everyday dysfunctional household.
- My Father was a neighborhood hustler, who owned and operated a gas station.
- My parents fought a lot.
- When
I was just a twenty three year old crack addict, I made the unconscious
decision to walk away from my family; I left my baby with mother, and
existed in my very own purgatory.
- I absolutely loved cocaine in any form, but crack was my all time favorite.
- My family connection was immediately severed after I became addicted to drugs.
- The interactions with my family were becoming more estranged; it’s hard to sympathize with something you do not understand.
Shaster L. Powell
R. Mancia
Eng. 101/#1356
19 September 2012
Confessions of a Crack Diva
EXCELLENT TITLE!
Let’s be realistic, who plans on growing up, and becoming a dope fiend?
I certainly did not. My dreams were to become a writer and an attorney,
the first black woman appointed to the Supreme Court. Those were mighty
big dreams for a nappy headed little girl from South Central Los
Angeles. Thank goodness I had the kind of mother who encouraged my
sister and ME I to always accomplish the inconceivable. She influenced
us to be bold in the goals we set for ourselves. I did well in school,
and when I was accepted to the University of California Irvine, my
entire family celebrated. I moved into the dorms on campus, and soon my
recreational drug usage became an everyday habit. This was truly the
beginning of my end, and the end of my teen years, my experimental
twenties, and all of my developing thirties. For the next twenty plus
years, I tormented my family, and I believe they suffered my addiction
more than I. I truly love my family; they have never given up on me.
Because of my past addiction and the pain it has caused my family, I
have often felt like a stranger in a strange land. AMAZING!Growing up normal to me was growing up in a dysfunctional household. My father was a neighborhood hustler, who owned and operated a gas station. While, my mother got up every day and went to work at the post office. My parents migrated to California from the South, mainly because my father was in the Navy and stationed in Long Beach. My parents fought a lot. He’d break out windows, kick in doors, and he would do all this because he was afraid my mother was going to leave him. I ask you, OMIT. wWho would want to stay with a violent and delusional man? Eventually, my parents divorced; right around the same time I entered Jr. SP High school. This became a major life changing period in my life; my dad shot my mom right in front of my sister and ME I; that’s when I started experimenting with drugs. I was only thirteen.
By the time I turned 23, I was truly addicted to crack, and I made the unconscious decision to walk away from my family. I left my baby with MY mother, and chose to exist in my very own purgatory. I absolutely loved cocaine in any form, but crack was my all time favorite. It’s true; I tried almost every other street drug imaginable, but as soon as I found crack cocaine I was home. My family connection was immediately severed after I became addicted to drugs. I was no longer that bubbly personality, college bound, first born granddaughter with the bright smile, and even brighter dreams for the future. I was dark and scary, and my family didn’t know what to say or how to act around me. I still came by my mother’s home to visit my baby, and it was always awkward, and extremely uncomfortable. My mother would make me go through this long “sterilization-sanitization” process as soon as I entered the front door. I would have to put my clothes in a plastic bag, and go straight into the tub. . The fact that my mom was raising my children, and I continued to go to prison totally eluded me. The interactions with my family were becoming more estranged; it’s hard to sympathize with something you do not understand.
When I became sober, my life changed for the better, and so did everything in it. I experienced wonderful things I never knew existed. I had missed so much of my life, and the lives of my entire family. There is no way you can get those years back, and the best you can do is move forward. I was ready for my life, and I was ready for new beginnings. I wanted a relationship with my sons and a friendship with my mother. I needed the chance to be the big sister I never was and to move pass PAST the age of 23. In the last seven plus years I have had the opportunity to do all that, and so much more. When I entered that residential treatment facility in November 2005, I had no idea what to expect. However, when I walked out of that program; A COMMA I felt brand new; I felt like my soul had been reunited with my heart. My family still was not sure how to approach me, but their arms were wide open.
I still seek validation from my mother, and I find myself sometimes making amends for things that no longer need fixing. It has taken me along time, and a lot of therapy to be able to share my emotions with others. I guess you could say my family relationships are still new, because I’m still getting to know them. I have recapped back so much of what I lost, and some of what I never had. I have regained my trust, and earned my respect. I still feel “special”, but it is on rare occasion that I feel like a stranger in a strange land.
GRADE: 20/20
YOU’RE AN EXCELLENT WRITER! FROM THE BEGINNING, YOU GRAB THE READER’S ATTENTION WITH A VERY “CATCHY” INTRODUCTION. AS YOU DEVELOP YOUR ESSAY, YOU PROVIDE VERY VIVID AND DETAILED EXAMPLES THAT SHOW HOW YOU HAVE OFTEN FELT LIKE A STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND. THE WRITING IS CLEAR AND COHERENT. IT WAS AN HONOR TO READ YOUR ESSAY AND TO LEARN ABOUT A PHENOMENAL WOMAN WHO HAS REINVENTED HERSELF. THANKS FOR SHARING. MAY I USE YOUR ESSAY AS A MODEL PAPER FOR FUTURE CLASSES. SAY “YES” WHEN YOU SEE ME ON MONDAY, PLEASE.
