Friday, November 18, 2011

When Is Enough Too Much?

#1  Enough is too much when it has you turned around and upside down..............I'm in a situation where I've actually had enough of the bullshit! I'm a star forward on the starting team, and I've been (allowed myself) put on the bench as bench warmer, not even 2nd or 3rd string! Ladies! What the hell! I'm Kobe up in this bitch, and I'm accepting this? Now Sistah's I'm confessing this because I need a swift kick in the arse. I know I'm selling myself short, but I've become complacent, and comfortable in the position, and it ain't cool. I never said I was perfect, and I damn sure am no angel. I'm human, and fuck it! a bitch gets lonely. And! don't you dare judge me. I'm just doing my best to keep it as real as possible and reveal some truths about myself, in hopes that another sistah will hear this shit, and not make the same mistakes. I have to accept my predicament, and realize that only I can change it. What will I do when/if he calls me (Oh! he will). It's been close to three years, and I'm getting exactly what I signed up for, nothing more and nothing less. I don't need to state the obvious, Sistah's you can decipher this situation. Pray for this Diva, okay. Pray that I continue to realize my value, understand my worth, and follow my destiny.

#2  Enough is too much when "they" continue to use my past to hurt and to judge me. Why? because they haven't learned to get over what my past meant to them. I have been forgiven-1st by God, and 2nd I forgive myself. I am a good mother, and a great grandmother. I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. This Thanksgiving- 11/24th, I will be celebrating 7 years of sobriety. Trust, this was no small feat, it is ONLY by the grace and mercy of a loving and forgiving God that I am still here. I've experienced that some people will never see me as anything other than a crackhead, but that's their problem! After 7 yrs of continuous sobriety, they can kiss my ass! I have been delivered (to be set free) from crack cocaine, and life goes on. I disrespected myself during my addiction for almost 20 years, I can't allow anyone to have that power over me. I made myself a promise when I first became sober. "Anyone, Anyone, family included that threatens my sobriety or my insanity must be eliminated!" Poof asshole be gone.......................I will pray for them, and hope that one day they will receive some sort of clarity. I've had enough and it turned out to be way too much!


This blog is a safe place for me, a place of truth, a place for love, and a great format for expression. I'm happy I came, and I'm really happy that you're here to share this journey...................

2 comments:

  1. Didnt see this one until right now. God allows us to be taken over by so many things. I do know that you are smart, a very caring person and for those who have no sin...please throw a boulder my way. We all have had our boughts with LIFE! I have to tell you if I had acknowledged the ugly things that I was told about you, me in my career moves and the love that I have for yiou, would have redirected myself your way only as a hand up, but its ok....we are moving forward together inspite of the haters. I have always loved one of my oldest childhood friends, meaning YOU! I feel so blessed that YOU have allowed me in Your CIrcle!

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  2. You show tremendous faith and courage.

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