Seeing My Vision....

       How many times will God allow you to start your "life" over again? I ask myself this question as I plan to make this trial run in the am to Las Vegas for the next 6 weeks. "Is this a good decision?"..............


        I made this sporadic decision on the way to my part time job 3+ weeks ago. I'd also decided to quit that same part time job, once I'd arrived. I needed to be able to focus on the last few weeks of school, and that included finals. I had just lost my apartment, and had finally come to grips that shit was starting to get "real". Note to self:  pseudo-business and friendship do not mix.....My cape was in the cleaners, and so I was finding it hard to function as a 'Super-She-ro", while securing shelter, attending school, and attempting to get to work at the same time. During "therapy" I'd learned to prioritize, and focus, but my emotions were on an all time "SCREAM", and the fetal position is never an option. Luckily, I was blessed to have "a little change" in the bank, and as usual God was on deck.
    
      Once the decision was made everything else was a non-friggin factor, and it was all about the planning. But, you know the old adage. "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans" ..............Ha  ha ha Hell!
I ran into more obstacles than you'd see at a miniature golf course. But, I wouldn't stop, I couldn't stop, I prayed, called on a few Sistah-friends from back in my hey-day, and Yes! I did me some boo-hoo'ing, but I kept it pushing.What other choice does a Diva have? Fearlessness or Bust!

      I am always "preaching" that God is only testing you speech........... "God does not give us the same test, each test is different. You pass one, and he gives you another test. They are designed to make you stronger, and to prepare you for the blessings God has in-store for you". It was time for me to suck it up, and to pass this test, and get ready for my blessing! My son Amir made it plain when he said..... "nobody can see your vision like you can. Life provides us lessons to direct and perfect our vision, but they cannot be considered lessons until you have learned from them". Boy! Did I learn, and the best lessons are either costly, or painful or BOTH.

"You gone learn today".....

1. If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is........

2. Do not take friendship for granted.

3. Depend on Y.O.U.

Oh yea! The answer to the initial proposed question............. "How many times will God allow you to start your "life" over again?

As many times as you need...............He's just GOoD like that.

*Keep the lessons/blessings coming.........Amen.



  

I Promise..........(SomeMoreRandomShitToo!)

I Promise........ ..I will be true to my REAL SELF (whoever that bitch is on any given Sunday)...........Fuck 
 my Representative!


I Promise...........To keep a tight limit on the bullshit I tell myself, and zero tolerance on the B.S. I acce

I Promise...........To be just nice enough, but only when I really feel it's obligatory.
(Oh' don't act brand new)
                       
I Promise...........To always say the ugly baby is cute.

I Promise...........To NEVER fake an orgasm.

I Promise...........Myself to work on my procrastination problem. Damn! Damn! Damn!

I Promise...........To remember that sometimes "Liking" is more important than Loving.

I Promise...........To continue to GROW in myself.

I Promise...........To continue to LEARN for myself.

I Promise...........To always LOVE MYSELF!..Smooches

I Promise...........To Honor my Parents,(Yes! Raymond too).

I Promise............To remain Grateful, Thankful, Humble, and Appreciative.

I Promise............Only Me.

Assignment #1 Eng. 101/ R. Mancia......Fall 2012

Confessions of a Crack Diva: Outline

 THESIS: Because of my past addiction and the pain it has caused my family, I’ve often felt like a
 stranger in a strange land.

1. I grew up normal to me, in your average everyday dysfunctional household.
   1. My Father was a neighborhood hustler, who owned and operated a gas station.
   2. My parents fought a lot.
2. When I was just a twenty three year old crack addict, I made the unconscious decision to walk away from my family; I left my baby with mother, and existed in my very own purgatory.
   1.  I absolutely loved cocaine in any form, but crack was my all time favorite.
   2. My family connection was immediately severed after I became addicted to drugs.
   3. The interactions with my family were becoming more estranged; it’s hard to sympathize with something you do not understand.

CONCLUSION: I still feel “special”, but it is on rare occasion that I feel like a stranger in a strange land.

Shaster L. Powell
R. Mancia
Eng. 101/#1356
19 September 2012           
                                   Confessions of a Crack Diva 

EXCELLENT TITLE!

               Let’s be realistic, who plans on growing up, and becoming a dope fiend? I certainly did not. My dreams were to become a writer and an attorney, the first black woman appointed to the Supreme Court. Those were mighty big dreams for a nappy headed little girl from South Central Los Angeles. Thank goodness I had the kind of mother who encouraged my sister and ME I to always accomplish the inconceivable. She influenced us to be bold in the goals we set for ourselves. I did well in school, and when I was accepted to the University of California Irvine, my entire family celebrated. I moved into the dorms on campus, and soon my recreational drug usage became an everyday habit. This was truly the beginning of my end, and the end of my teen years, my experimental twenties, and all of my developing thirties. For the next twenty plus years, I tormented my family, and I believe they suffered my addiction more than I. I truly love my family; they have never given up on me. Because of my past addiction and the pain it has caused my family, I have often felt like a stranger in a strange land.  AMAZING!
                            
               Growing up normal to me was growing up in a dysfunctional household. My father was a neighborhood hustler, who owned and operated a gas station. While, my mother got up every day and went to work at the post office. My parents migrated to California from the South, mainly because my father was in the Navy and stationed in Long Beach. My parents fought a lot. He’d break out windows, kick in doors, and he would do all this because he was afraid my mother was going to leave him. I ask you, OMIT.  wWho would want to stay with a violent and delusional man?  Eventually, my parents divorced; right around the same time I entered Jr. SP High school. This became a major life changing period in my life; my dad shot my mom right in front of my sister and ME I; that’s when I started experimenting with drugs. I was only thirteen.
             By the time I turned 23, I was truly addicted to crack, and I made the unconscious decision to walk away from my family. I left my baby with MY mother, and chose to exist in my very own purgatory. I absolutely loved cocaine in any form, but crack was my all time favorite. It’s true; I tried almost every other street drug imaginable, but as soon as I found crack cocaine I was home. My family connection was immediately severed after I became addicted to drugs. I was no longer that bubbly personality, college bound, first born granddaughter with the bright smile, and even brighter dreams for the future. I was dark and scary, and my family didn’t know what to say or how to act around me. I still came by my mother’s home to visit my baby, and it was always awkward, and extremely uncomfortable. My mother would make me go through this long “sterilization-sanitization” process as soon as I entered the front door. I would have to put my clothes in a plastic bag, and go straight into the tub. . The fact that my mom was raising my children, and I continued to go to prison totally eluded me.  The interactions with my family were becoming more estranged; it’s hard to sympathize with something you do not understand.
                    When I became sober, my life changed for the better, and so did everything in it. I experienced wonderful things I never knew existed. I had missed so much of my life, and the lives of my entire family. There is no way you can get those years back, and the best you can do is move forward. I was ready for my life, and I was ready for new beginnings. I wanted a relationship with my sons and a friendship with my mother. I needed the chance to be the big sister I never was and to move pass PAST the age of 23. In the last seven plus years I have had the opportunity to do all that, and so much more.  When I entered that residential treatment facility in November 2005, I had no idea what to expect. However, when I walked out of that program; A COMMA I felt brand new; I felt like my soul had been reunited with my heart. My family still was not sure how to approach me, but their arms were wide open.
                      I still seek validation from my mother, and I find myself sometimes making amends for things that no longer need fixing. It has taken me along time, and a lot of therapy to be able to share my emotions with others. I guess you could say my family relationships are still new, because I’m still getting to know them. I have recapped back so much of what I lost, and some of what I never had. I have regained my trust, and earned my respect. I still feel “special”, but it is on rare occasion that I feel like a stranger in a strange land.
             

GRADE:  20/20

YOU’RE AN EXCELLENT WRITER!  FROM THE BEGINNING, YOU GRAB THE READER’S ATTENTION WITH A VERY “CATCHY” INTRODUCTION.  AS YOU DEVELOP YOUR ESSAY, YOU PROVIDE VERY VIVID AND DETAILED EXAMPLES THAT SHOW HOW YOU HAVE OFTEN FELT LIKE A STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND. THE WRITING IS CLEAR AND COHERENT.  IT WAS AN HONOR TO READ YOUR ESSAY AND TO LEARN ABOUT A PHENOMENAL WOMAN WHO HAS REINVENTED HERSELF.  THANKS FOR SHARING.  MAY I USE YOUR ESSAY AS A MODEL PAPER FOR FUTURE CLASSES.  SAY “YES” WHEN YOU SEE ME ON MONDAY, PLEASE.

An Interview with Actress Kim Nance

Have you ever been in the presence of someone really, really talented, and didn't have a clue? Well............I knew she was smart, because we've had some pretty deep conversations and it was obvious she was pretty too! But! The drive and determination Kim Nance displays regarding her Theater career made me proud and motivated as a black woman to accomplish my own goals It was my honor and certainly my privilege to sit down with this beautiful chocolate Diva to get the 411 on what makes this thespian tick...........

SFD: Kim I really do appreciate you giving me this opportunity to let everyone know what I've come to realize during our friendship, you're extremely talented, you are driven, determined and destined for success, a sure formula of a Diva. When did you realize that you'd been “bitten” by the acting bug?

KN: Thanks Diva, it was in the year of 2000. I was invited to participate in a dance number in a play called “I Love You But” I did it as a fluke. I was also given some short lines and scences, it was such a fun experience. I found myself loving it and wanting to do more.

SFD: Kim, What has been your most challenging role, and why?

KN: Wow! I would say the play “Reservoir Bitches” I am not one to use raw language. The characters I played “Ms. Brown”, was very vulgar (smh) and Officer Holdaway as well. It made me feel uncomfortable, but the show MUST go on.

SFD: Kim, who is your She-ro?

KN: Easy answer! My She-ro would be my mother. She is my right hand, she is always making sure things are running smoothly. She crosses all the T's and she dots every I.

SFD: Where do you see your career in the next 5, 10 or even 20 years from now?

KN: In 10 years I see myself behind the scenes, becoming one of the great, legendary agents or even a talent manager.

SFD: Favorite Playwright?

KN: David Talbert.

SFD: What's the one thing you want your fans to remember about Kim Nance?

KN: Fans can remember that I am self driven and always up for challenges and bringing out the best in me.

Coming soon @ Stage52 L.A. 5299 West Washington Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca. 90016 (323) 635-6226

Kim Nance starring in “Stop Cheating on Me” Friday 3/09/ 2012 @8pm & 3/11/2012 @8pm

Kim Nance starring in “ This House is Not a Home” 3/10/2012 @8pm & 3/11/2012 @3pm

Life, as Simple as That!....................

Life, as simple as ABC or 123, well actually it's as simple as YOU make it. Truth is life is a delicate, complicated, intricate, confusing mass of everything. However it is what you make of it, your approach can and will make or break any Diva. It's not what life throws at you, it's what you pitch back. I've decided at the ripe old/ young age of Fabulous 50 to take each challenge as a blessing. I've enjoyed the good, the bad, right along with the bullshit! , and have used it to increase my awareness of all life has to offer. Look! I want the best out of life, I want to be happy and to be loved and to love in return. I'm just not willing to settle "any longer". That's not just in the "love" department, but in every endeavor; my education-Dr. Powell?, my brand (it's a marketing thang)- SistahFairy Diva WILL become a household name just like Hamburger Helper, the bestest Granma/Nana ever! Period. I aspire to be a better mother, daughter, sister, friend. I promise to be a Diva-licious Diva at all times! So why don't YOU make today your best day, and make tomorrow your brightest future. Life, as simple as that!

VEGA$ or BUST (aka Divas Road Trip #1)...............Shaster and Dedra~ January 13-15

Once upon a time in a land far away known as South Central, Los Angeles there were two young girls from opposite ends of the ghetto. Ironically they'd gone to different Jr. High schools, but as fate would have it they met up in High school to became the best of friends. They shared a  true friendship that would endure an almost 30yr separation. So after 6 sons and 1 daughter collectively, plus! a whole bunch of grand babies. They embarked on the adventure of a lifetime..................Divas Road Trip #1

"Girl! Where should we go?"

  After many days, hours and minutes of deliberation...............

BAM! Sin City

There were so many choices to be make regarding this adventure, and seeing as I, Sistahfairy Diva sort of consider myself as a weekend travel warrior extraordinaire, and mostly because my Twin~ Diva-licious Dedra was super happy to let me do everything (including all the driving). I jumped right in on the Diva Road Trip train, and contacted all the necessary parties; hotel, car rental, fb friends living in Viva Las Vegas. I had a few important focal points to take into consideration, because of all the "shout outs" that were coming through...........These Divas were in high demand. lol

January 12th, 2012.....Tomorrow is the big day. The rental car and hotel reservations have been confirmed. The Roots and the Zinfandel are chilled, shoes packed and routes mapped out.

January 13th, 2012 (Friday the 13th) Trip Day....................There is always, most times some bullsh*t that tries to block your FUN time. It's how you maneuver around that BS that can either make or break the situation. Well, I was late for the car pick up, and had to wait until 4:30pm for the rental. Once on the road, singing to Lee's (Garrison) mixed cd's, this Thelma was grooving and finally headed to L.A. to pick up Louise.................Car loaded and we were on are way to SIN CITY!

As they say a picture can be worth a thousand words or just a few good descriptive adjectives.........

The Plaza Hotel & Casino

 Diva bed #1

Diva bed #2

Divas come prepared!

That includes BBW candles (Da Root again!)

Diva "Thelma"  Glammed up for the Strip

Diva "Louise" Glammed up for the Strip

See Below: The Strip

 Tickets only $25

"I am looking for a wife!"

Make a wish............

For a life full of Sistah Diva good times!!

 Bentley for me!

Bentley for her too!

Martini Bar @ H2O

Lakers game @ Hooters Hotel and Casino

Pink Porsche of course

The Shark Tank@ The Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino

Big Ballin......

Ballin out of control.....

Thelma and Louise
Las Vegas 2012

The End.

Living Two lifestyles in a Single Life time.

As a young girl growing up in South Central, I lived an ordinary ghetto child's life. I went to school, rode my Schwinn and fought with the home boys and my sister. Whoever would have imagined I'd grow up and become a dope fiend? I had big dreams of becoming an attorney, and had plans on attending the Thurgood Marshall School of Law in Houston,Texas. I'd also decided that I was going to marry Michael Jackson, and live in a big house with 2.2 children and a really cute dog; this was my American dream. Unfortunately fate had another plan for my life, and this dream was not to become my reality. Once I graduated from high school I began experimenting with hard drugs and became addicted to crack cocaine. My addiction became my world, I abandoned my children, alienated my family and spent the next twenty years fighting a losing battle. In 2004 after being released from prison, my parole officer gave me the option of going into treatment. At Walden House I learned how to actually "live", and was truly transformed into a new creation. That's why I'm determined to succeed in my life, because I've been given so many chances at life. How many can say they've been given the opportunity to live two different lifestyles in a single lifetime?

I smoked my first  joint during the summer of my thirteenth birthday. I thought it was going to make me cool and have lots of really cool friends. I didn't know anyone that actually sold weed, so I depended on my older friends to keep me supplied. I smoked weed on and off until I got to high school and then I started smoking on a regular basis. When I was a junior in high school, my best friend's brother gave us our first taste of cocaine. The cocaine was too expensive for my budget, so I'd get it from my older cousins and their acquaintances. It was the late 1970's, and sniffing cocaine was popular and considered an upper class recreational drug.

I graduated from high school and went straight to college. I received a partial scholarship to UCI. I completed the summer program successfully, and while attending college I stayed in the dorms on campus. I started the fall semester, and things seemed to be going along just fine. I didn't do much coke, but I smoked weed whenever and as often as I could. My study habits began to deteriorate, and eventually I was placed on academic probation. After having an unsuccessful stream of roommates, I moved back home. Although I didn't live on campus, I still hung out drinking and partying with friends on campus every weekend. I never made it off probation and was put on an “indefinite” academic suspension. I never went back to school and moved in with my drug dealing boyfriend.

By the time my second son was born, I was allowing my addiction to control my life. My mother already had my oldest child, and from the looks of things she'd raise this one too. My life was spiraling out of control, and I had no clue on how to get it back. For the next ten years things kept getting worse. I'd had another son and was living on the streets. I was lucky that my youngest child’s father was raising him, because my mother's hands were full. In 1998 , I was arrested for possession of a controlled substance, and because of my prior convictions, I was looking at a much longer sentence. It was an election year, and as the judicial system was looking to lock up as many people as possible, they offered me a sentence of 25 to life. I refused to lay down and accept that time; I fought my case for over 5 months. The District attorney finally accepted a plea bargain for me, and I accepted seven years at 85%. 

Finally, after 6.3 years in prison I paroled on February 1, 2004. and I had big plans. I was going to change my life. I was going to start over again. Fours months after paroling, I was back up to my old tricks, smoking crack and committing crimes. I remember my parole officer, Mr. Riveras, telling me the day we met that he'd always had problems with female clients. My first response? “Not me”. Little did I know, he was telling the truth about me. Mr. Riveras gave me so many chances to get it together- sometimes he wouldn't even test me, because he knew I'd test dirty. In the beginning I'd give him another person's urine, so my test would come back clean. One day I guess I was tired of running, and I didn't care anymore, so I gave up my own dirty urine sample. Little did I know that Mr. Riveras already knew I'd been using because my mother had already alerted him. I couldn't be angry at my mother, she'd just gone through an extremely long prison term with me, and she was scared and tired. Finally Mr. Riveras asked me if I'd ever considered going into treatment. I never had, because in my warped mind, I didn't have a problem. The fact that I'd allowed crack cocaine to place me in continuously dangerous situations and abandon my children, not to mention that I'd been in every county jail facility between Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Arizona, missed holidays, birthdays, and even the funeral of my Grandfather. All theses things and more should have been the biggest “red flag” imaginable. I was at the point where I was willing to try anything, because either I stopped using crack cocaine, or I would die. Once I entered Walden House (F.O.T.E.P.- Felony Offender Training Educational Program) on November 23^rd, 2004, it was the beginning to an end. I'll admit the process was long, and most of the rules and regulations made absolutely no sense to me. Then a strange thing happened, I discharged off parole after only 13 months, this was unusual considering the length of my prison sentence. I immediately decided that I was leaving the program, I already been there four months and felt I was “healed”. There's this thing some people may call “Divine Invention”, and she showed herself in the form of an allergic reaction. That allergic reaction caused me to be hospitalized for six days, and during that stay, it was discovered that I was in need of a hysterectomy. Wow! God will certainly show up and rearrange some stuff for you, especially when you're confused. I ended up staying at Walden House for a total of 11months, and it was one of the best decisions I “never” made. I finally had an “ahh haa” moment, and thank God every day I didn't leave before the miracle happened. The miracle being a new outlook on life, my thinking changed, my expectations changed and my heart changed. I was seven years sober this past November. I can now say in the last seven years I haven't missed one celebration. Top that! I gave myself the best 50th Birthday party ever! I'm so happy to say there were people from ever chapter and phase of my life; my family, my sandbox bff from kindergarten, Jr High buddies, my bestie from High school, classmates, true friends that knew me in and out of addiction, and more than significantly share in my recovery. Today I live my life to the fullest, I enjoy myself with family and friends. I  am the grandmother to the most beautiful little girl, my twin Mariah. I live, I laugh and I love, but most importantly I've learned to love myself. Don't get it confused life ain't no fairytale, and everything doesn't always come out smelling like roses. This bullshit can get real, but I pray and I trust God. My faith is strong! Yes, I can honestly said that I've lived two entirely different lifestyles in this wonderful gift called life. Don't you dare underestimate this Diva, the best is yet to come. See you at the top!!

The Chemistry of a Husband

We Divas have often pondered what are the necessary qualities to make a good husband. I do however realize that what works for one woman may not work for the next one. I personally believe that as people we are constantly evolving, changing, and growing. Our needs and and wants change as women depending on either our age or maybe even our circumstances.
The woman I am today is certainly not the same woman I was, say 20 years ago, and my needs and wants are entirely different. I require more patience, demand security and need romance in my life, and these three things I'll be looking for in a mate. I truly believe that my God has a soul-mate for me it's just that he hasn't "found me yet". I am still growing and so is he, and when we're both ready our paths will cross. Then all the patience, security, and romance will be in full effect, and then, and only then will I have my husband.

The phrase "Patience is a Virtue” has proven to be a mantra throughout my adult life. I've learned to be patient through my many trials and tribulations, and I've tried to remain optimistic regardless of my circumstances. I feel that if I just hold on tight to my faith, everything will be alright. This has never failed me yet, and I require a husband with the same positive outlook. It's so true good things do come to those who wait. A husband that is patient with you will allow you time to explore all that is within you he will encourage and support your dreams and goals. I believe a patient man can be kind and understanding. When both partners in a relationship are patient, it keeps them from missing out on the important things in life and in each other.

A mature, seasoned Diva requires security! I'm not just talking financial security; although that's extremely important (let's be sensible). Another big part of security is trust, and someone that makes me feel safe. I'm a strong independent Diva and I'm used to doing things for myself, unfortunately I've experienced relationships were the man hasn't made me feel safe, and other relationships were there was absolutely no trust. I made up my mind a long time ago; that this was no longer acceptable. Because my personality can be assertive, some men have found this to be intimidating, and use it as an excuse for their own insecurities. I look forward to the day when I'm blessed with a husband that is capable of taking care of all my needs, emotional, sexual and financial.  My husband shouldn't just take care of me because he's capable, but because he's willing to do so.

           Romance is not just about sex, it's about intimacy (Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other). Romance is about communication too, now this doesn't always consist of spoken word   either; a love note or a short text message saying “ I'm thinking of you” also speaks volumes. Trust me! a little romance goes a long way, it'll get those embers smoldering and the fires hot in a New York minute. Fast!

          There is really no such thing as a perfect marriage, and of course no such thing as perfect people. However there are many different things a husband and wife can do to make their situation perfect for one another. They can learn to remain open to love and to change. Because life provides all types of twists and turns and each day can either be a struggle or an adventure. A husband and a wife should be willing to do whatever it takes to move forward in their relationship/marriage. As for myself I'm going to stay optimistic about the perfect husband for me. The Bible states in Proverbs 18:22. “He that finds a wife finds a good thing, and shall obtain favor with God”. This just confirms what I stated before, that patience, security, or romance isn't too tall an order for my God.