The Lotus Flower...........and Me

The Lotus Flower it grows in the deep nasty slimy mud, at the bottom of the lake, far away from the sun. But, sooner or later, after the painful and difficult trials and tribulations of its existence, the Lotus Flower eventually reaches the wonderful light becoming the most beautiful flower ever.

An ancient symbol of enlightenment, self-regeneration and motivation the lotus flower will represent the many positive changes coming my way in 2012. I have claimed my resurrection! They thought I was down, they thought I was out, but not this Diva! My new life has just begun, there is love in my future, this is prosperity in my future, this is the one baby! This year-2011 has been..............Whew! a whole lotta things, eye opening, spiritual, painful, distracting, a waste of time, lackluster, sacrificial, petty, revealing, did I say painful and a waste of time? educational, cycles of bullshit, happy, sad. winning, losing, laughter, tears, joy, sunshine and rain, it's been all those things and so much more. Would I change anything? probably not. God does things in his own time, and in his own way. We may not always agree with his methods, or the process required, or which paths are presented before us, and I know my stubborn, running on self will behind doesn't always want to admit that he knows whats best for me. But! I'm here to tell you he ain't never left me or he's never forsaking me. I'm still here, and I'm still standing.

I look in the mirror and I see a woman who hasn't and still doesn't always do the right thing, I'm no saint, and anyone that professing to be............"Run! Forest! Run!. They're a liar and the truth ain't in em'. I am 50 years old, and I'm still learning about life, and about people. That never changes, people are in your life for one of two reasons 1) to teach you or 2) to learn from you. Period. Life is and can be that fucking simple. You give as good as you get, and most times you give more. Why? because it's just set up that way. It's give and take baby, either your the given or the taker, and it's not always fair, it fluctuates.

I'm a full time mommy now too! Damn! I tell you it's been a challenge, but so very worth it. I don't regret having my baby come live with me for one minute I love my son so much, and I just want to be a good parent. I didn't have the opportunity to raise my two oldest sons, and I'm just grateful for the chance to make a positive difference in his life.

I'm so excited about this coming year, and all the possibilities that God has placed in my life. Who knew that college could be so great! My earlier college days are a total blur, and shit so are my 20s, my 30s and fuck! the first few years of my 40s. I guess what I'm saying is God woke me up today, and for this I am grateful. I'm going into 2012 with happiness on my mind, love in my heart and small to major changes on the agenda.

And just like that Lotus Flower I'd allowed myself to be in that cold and slimy mud, hiding from the sunshine for way too long, afraid of change, afraid of life, hell! afraid of myself. But I want to see the light, and I feel the warmth of the rays shining down on me, and I want to feel rejuvenated, regenerated and enlightened, because just like that Lotus Flower I am beautiful......................