Living Two lifestyles in a Single Life time.

As a young girl growing up in South Central, I lived an ordinary ghetto child's life. I went to school, rode my Schwinn and fought with the home boys and my sister. Whoever would have imagined I'd grow up and become a dope fiend? I had big dreams of becoming an attorney, and had plans on attending the Thurgood Marshall School of Law in Houston,Texas. I'd also decided that I was going to marry Michael Jackson, and live in a big house with 2.2 children and a really cute dog; this was my American dream. Unfortunately fate had another plan for my life, and this dream was not to become my reality. Once I graduated from high school I began experimenting with hard drugs and became addicted to crack cocaine. My addiction became my world, I abandoned my children, alienated my family and spent the next twenty years fighting a losing battle. In 2004 after being released from prison, my parole officer gave me the option of going into treatment. At Walden House I learned how to actually "live", and was truly transformed into a new creation. That's why I'm determined to succeed in my life, because I've been given so many chances at life. How many can say they've been given the opportunity to live two different lifestyles in a single lifetime?

I smoked my first  joint during the summer of my thirteenth birthday. I thought it was going to make me cool and have lots of really cool friends. I didn't know anyone that actually sold weed, so I depended on my older friends to keep me supplied. I smoked weed on and off until I got to high school and then I started smoking on a regular basis. When I was a junior in high school, my best friend's brother gave us our first taste of cocaine. The cocaine was too expensive for my budget, so I'd get it from my older cousins and their acquaintances. It was the late 1970's, and sniffing cocaine was popular and considered an upper class recreational drug.

I graduated from high school and went straight to college. I received a partial scholarship to UCI. I completed the summer program successfully, and while attending college I stayed in the dorms on campus. I started the fall semester, and things seemed to be going along just fine. I didn't do much coke, but I smoked weed whenever and as often as I could. My study habits began to deteriorate, and eventually I was placed on academic probation. After having an unsuccessful stream of roommates, I moved back home. Although I didn't live on campus, I still hung out drinking and partying with friends on campus every weekend. I never made it off probation and was put on an “indefinite” academic suspension. I never went back to school and moved in with my drug dealing boyfriend.

By the time my second son was born, I was allowing my addiction to control my life. My mother already had my oldest child, and from the looks of things she'd raise this one too. My life was spiraling out of control, and I had no clue on how to get it back. For the next ten years things kept getting worse. I'd had another son and was living on the streets. I was lucky that my youngest child’s father was raising him, because my mother's hands were full. In 1998 , I was arrested for possession of a controlled substance, and because of my prior convictions, I was looking at a much longer sentence. It was an election year, and as the judicial system was looking to lock up as many people as possible, they offered me a sentence of 25 to life. I refused to lay down and accept that time; I fought my case for over 5 months. The District attorney finally accepted a plea bargain for me, and I accepted seven years at 85%. 

Finally, after 6.3 years in prison I paroled on February 1, 2004. and I had big plans. I was going to change my life. I was going to start over again. Fours months after paroling, I was back up to my old tricks, smoking crack and committing crimes. I remember my parole officer, Mr. Riveras, telling me the day we met that he'd always had problems with female clients. My first response? “Not me”. Little did I know, he was telling the truth about me. Mr. Riveras gave me so many chances to get it together- sometimes he wouldn't even test me, because he knew I'd test dirty. In the beginning I'd give him another person's urine, so my test would come back clean. One day I guess I was tired of running, and I didn't care anymore, so I gave up my own dirty urine sample. Little did I know that Mr. Riveras already knew I'd been using because my mother had already alerted him. I couldn't be angry at my mother, she'd just gone through an extremely long prison term with me, and she was scared and tired. Finally Mr. Riveras asked me if I'd ever considered going into treatment. I never had, because in my warped mind, I didn't have a problem. The fact that I'd allowed crack cocaine to place me in continuously dangerous situations and abandon my children, not to mention that I'd been in every county jail facility between Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Arizona, missed holidays, birthdays, and even the funeral of my Grandfather. All theses things and more should have been the biggest “red flag” imaginable. I was at the point where I was willing to try anything, because either I stopped using crack cocaine, or I would die. Once I entered Walden House (F.O.T.E.P.- Felony Offender Training Educational Program) on November 23^rd, 2004, it was the beginning to an end. I'll admit the process was long, and most of the rules and regulations made absolutely no sense to me. Then a strange thing happened, I discharged off parole after only 13 months, this was unusual considering the length of my prison sentence. I immediately decided that I was leaving the program, I already been there four months and felt I was “healed”. There's this thing some people may call “Divine Invention”, and she showed herself in the form of an allergic reaction. That allergic reaction caused me to be hospitalized for six days, and during that stay, it was discovered that I was in need of a hysterectomy. Wow! God will certainly show up and rearrange some stuff for you, especially when you're confused. I ended up staying at Walden House for a total of 11months, and it was one of the best decisions I “never” made. I finally had an “ahh haa” moment, and thank God every day I didn't leave before the miracle happened. The miracle being a new outlook on life, my thinking changed, my expectations changed and my heart changed. I was seven years sober this past November. I can now say in the last seven years I haven't missed one celebration. Top that! I gave myself the best 50th Birthday party ever! I'm so happy to say there were people from ever chapter and phase of my life; my family, my sandbox bff from kindergarten, Jr High buddies, my bestie from High school, classmates, true friends that knew me in and out of addiction, and more than significantly share in my recovery. Today I live my life to the fullest, I enjoy myself with family and friends. I  am the grandmother to the most beautiful little girl, my twin Mariah. I live, I laugh and I love, but most importantly I've learned to love myself. Don't get it confused life ain't no fairytale, and everything doesn't always come out smelling like roses. This bullshit can get real, but I pray and I trust God. My faith is strong! Yes, I can honestly said that I've lived two entirely different lifestyles in this wonderful gift called life. Don't you dare underestimate this Diva, the best is yet to come. See you at the top!!